rerun: a meditation on screamo.

note: I'm not even entirely sure if this entry is even relevant anymore, but I thought it was funny. Are we still doing the screamo thing? Scratch that, I don't even want to know. Moving forward...

originally posted on October 9th, 2005:

If there's one thing that bothers me about modern punk / emo / et cetera bands (yes, et cetera is a genre. no, not really, it's just fun to type with one hand.), it's the overuse of the screamer. Actually, this isn't even really a modern thing, as there's always been bands who've used screaming as a crutch for a poor vocalist. Before though, these screamers were predominantly featured in hardcore and metal acts, so I could just write it off to a case of testosterone poisoning and leave it at that. But now, there's a million pop-punk bands from Long Island who have a designated screamer in the band for no reason.

Screaming, to me, is used to convey thematic intensity, much like swearing. Also, much like swearing, both can be overused and lose their effect, which reduces both to a fashion choice. But why are they screaming? What's the purpose? I've heard the poppiest pop-punk songs being screamed over, so I know it's not because it's a particularly intense part of the song. It's just because these bands went out of their way to designate one dude in the band as "the screamer", and now they have to fill a space for him. I look at The Screamer like how I look at The Bosstone, basically.

I imagine, as a sort of genesis, there was once a man who felt emasculated by his own singing voice, but who still wanted to sing in a band. Being there no screamers at the time, it was necessary to invent such a thing. So it was with this thought in mind that this man went to find the old wise man in his town and approach him with this query:

Dude: I want to sing in a band, but I don't want to sing! I need something really intense to do all the time, so as not to have the audience interpret my stage presence as having even a hint of estrogen!
Old Wise Man: I see your problem. Singing and melody in themselves are art, but art implies beauty, and beauty has no place in your music!
Dude: Yes, you see my issue then!
Old Wise Man: Well then, as I see it, you've gotta do something that's the antithesis of singing, like... you could maybe talk the entire time?
Dude: What, talk the entire time? That's kinda lame and boring.
Old Wise Man: You're right, what was I thinking? Well, keeping with the talking idea, you could maybe get this look on your face like a dad might when his kid does something bad, like you're really super pissed all the time, and just talk about how disappointed you are in the audience's actions.
Dude: Yeeeeeaaah, we're getting there, but that's still not intense enough!
Old Wise Man: I hear you brother, I hear you. Alright, I'm just throwing this out there, but how about you cry on stage, because you're just so manly that you can't take it anymore?
Dude: No! You're moving in the other direction! We were so close to breaking through, I felt it!
Old Wise Man: You're right, you're right. So, angry dad, pissed off, ki--.. wait a second. Hold on a second. Listen to this: just scream your balls off the entire fucking time.
Dude: YOU ARE SO WISE.

..and that man, was... actually, I don't know who that man was. That story was going nowhere, and fast!

In conclusion, fuck screamo. Thank you.